Improper language usage

Printre zecile de spamuri care-mi intră zilnic, am primit următorul mesaj, probabil deoarece mă aflu în baza lor de date, urmînd să mi se facă oferta aceea de 1 500 de euro pe lună.
Este un email intern de la o filială din Romania a unei mari corporaţii, adresat angajaţilor străini ai firmei:

To : All Romanian Speaking Staff
Subject: Improper Language Usage

It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our office in Romania that offensive language is commonly used by our Romanian Speaking staff. Such behavior,in
addition to violating our policy, is highly unproffesional and offensive to both visitors and staff.All personel will imediatly adhere to the following rules:

1..Words like futui, in pula mea, pula and other such expressions will be not tolerated or used for emphasis or dramatic effect, no matter how heated a discussion may become.

2..You will not say si-a bagat pula when someone makes a mistake, or s-a cacat pe el if you see someone being to be reprehended, or baga-mi-as, when a major mistake has been made.All forms and derrivations of the verb a se caca and a se fute are utterly inappropiate and unacceptable in our enviroment.

3..No project manager, section head or administrator under aby circumstances will be reffered to as pula de om, cacanaru’ or boul.

4..Lack of determination will not be reffered to as pulalau nor will persons who lack initiative be reffered to as muiangiu.

5..Unusual or creative ideas offered by managment are not to be reffered to as porcarii.

6..Do not say futu-ti mata if somebody is persistent;do not add pula mea, if a colleague is going trough a difficult situation. Futhermore, you must not say am pus-o (refer to item 2) nor o sa ne-o traga when a matter becomes excessively complicated.

7..When asking someone to leave you allone, you must not say dute-n pula mea or should you ever substitute ‘’May i help you?’’ with, ce pula mea vrei ?

8..Under no circumstances should you ever call your elderly industrial partners bosorogi imputiti.

9..Do not say ia mai mereti-n pula cu cacatu’ asta when a relevant project is presented to you, nor should you ever answer futute-n cur when your assistance is required.

10.You should never call customer representatives as boul dracului or tampitu’ ala.

11.The sexual behavior of our staff is not to be discussed in terms such as a pizdulica buna, futaciosu’ or homalau’ lu peste.

12. Last but not least, aftre reading this note, please do not say ma sterg la cur cu textu asta.

Just keep it clean and dispose of it properly.

Thank you.